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holiday pain by ~Nefertitikv35:iconNefertitikv35:



The happiest time of the year is here
It used to be the time when I could forget all my pain
But this time will be hard
will be sad, will be scarred
Not having you around for the holiday season
knowing it was your favorite for a reason
I hear the Christmas music
I see the twinkling lights
There's a glow in everyones hearts
But mine will not, for we are apart
I know you are watching me
from somewhere up high
I can't help but think how will I ever get by?
So i'll shut the pain out just one more time
I'll let the holiday spirit take over me completly
Maybe come next year i'll let it consume me
©2004-2008 ~Nefertitikv35
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Submitted: Dec 3, 2004
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Author's Comments

This is going to be the first christmas without my grandfather. I thought I would put some of my feelings down in words

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~madem0iselle:iconmadem0iselle: Dec 3, 2004, 2:08:05 AM
I'm sorry for your loss.

I have a couple suggestions for your poem. (Feel free to disregard them.)
-"But not in mine" instead of "But mine will not" (for consistency with the previous line)
-"completely"
-and if you're going to capitalize your I's, you should capitalize them all.

I also have one piece of advice for you from one of my favorite poets.
"Go in fear of abstractions." -Ezra Pound.
Instead of telling, try to show. Use images to convey what you mean.

Good work!
~Nefertitikv35:iconNefertitikv35: Dec 4, 2004, 5:32:53 AM
Thank you, I will keep what you said in mind next time I write,